Feelings of guilt, shame, embarassment
 

Adios. It's been real. Real disappointing.

Accept it
 

Just accept it. Don't try to figure it out. I'm a conservative 49 year old white male and I used to try to figure out why it turns me on to watch white girls take it from black men. I wasn't raised racist, I'm a dominant male, not submissive. Fact is if i caught my wife fucking a black dude it wouldn't be good for either one of them. But the thought of it makes my Dick harder than Viagra can. I can't discuss this with my wife or anyone I know because I know how I'll be perceived and I'm not going there. I can't risk it personally or professionally. Just accept there are certain things about all of us that turn us on and there doesn't always have to have a reason that we can put our finger on. Trust me, acceptance is a beautiful thing and it will save you a lot of guilt and grief if you can do so.

Your fantasy is not that of a pervert if it was 90% of the white male population would be in some form of trauma, and that includes your close professional friends believe me. So get over the guilt part of your fantasy and enjoy it, relax, chill out as they say. I am very much older than you in my 70's but in my earlier years after being married to a very coveted female, overhearing numerous guys say 'they would like to fuck the arse off her' , this always gave me what i thought then was a perverted thrill, but which I soon realised was absolutely normal response. What got me over this so called perversion was when my wife, while we were on holiday, was seduced by the camp owner, from there our sex life never looked back, We joined a wife swapping club and got on the circuit, and for the next 20 years or so she was very happy, and so was I. But I like you had a fantasy to see her being mounted by a black man but this didn't occur until she was 56 years old, but it is never to late to realise a fantasy of black on white, and she too was very very happy that fate had allowed her to taste the other fruit. You are not a pervert you are a normal male, perhaps a bit voyeuristic but that too is normal. Forgive yourself.
Paul.

I am like recurve , i myself "conservative" and it gets me raging hard. I have though about a cuckold type relationship and i am conflicted with the idea of it :( its all i think about but i feel like i would feel ashamed of it.