Quote:
Originally Posted by DBM1945
In the end I realized that the sub part of me had simply merged with the white girl. I'm blonde, blue eyed, fairly slender and was "cute" when I was younger. I wanted to be the girl. And, harder to admit, this was not a gay thing. I wanted to become the girl; to be handled and fucked like the girl; to be down on my knees facing that huge black cock and knowing I really had nothing to say about what came next.
And I'm still trying to deal with this IR submissive regendering I undergo every time I look at this stuff. It had driven me to becoming a closet TV- and the image I project is always the same; straight blonde hair, bangs, tight shorts, collar. The next step is to find a black guy in Texas and I'm terrified that I might like the reality as much as the imagining.
|
I admit that I have a similar sort of fantasy. In this fantasy I'm a sexy tanned hazel-eyed brunette with nicely shaped boobs, wide hips and a great ass getting jackhammer fucked and inseminated by multiple black men. I have wondered for awhile if this made me a closet bisexual (I am sexually aroused by women as well).
So I tried looking at black male/black male gay porn or black male/white male porn to see if it made a difference and I found that it didn't do it for me. This is why I could never have sex with a black man. The idea of male on male sex disgusts me. I have to see the black man with a pretty woman (usually white woman but I loved seeing Maria Ozawa, whose half Japanese and women of other races, the lighter skinned ones in particular, getting fucked by black guys. I wish there were lighter-skinned Indian girls fucking black guys in porn. Priya Rai did nothing for me. If Sunny Leone finally did IR, my heart would be beating out of my chest in anticipation of watching the photos/vids.
When I psychoanalyize my fetish, I think deep down it's not necessarily about the black dick by itself. Like I said, deep down it is a desire to see women being degraded. I think deep down subconsciously I see black men as some sort of dirty beast and therefore I find it dirty and taboo for a woman of a "purer" race to be defiled by a black man (the "beast").
I do think it's strange that I have that fantasy of being a sexy brunette getting fucked by black guys but yet I am disgusted by gay porn (including those that involve black men). Maybe it's latent bisexuality (fantasizing about black men in a heteronormative context. With a sexy woman, it's like a "safe" way to explore that bisexuality in my mind). Maybe it's a manifestation of my bitterness as a beta male towards women for largely not having much interest in me (and wishing that maybe life would be better if I was born female. Even the fat middle-aged white women can get action. If not from white men, definitely from black men). Maybe both. I don't know.
For the record, I don't fantasize about fucking white guys. And like I said before, I don't really care to watch porn involving white guys no matter how big his dick is and how ripped and muscular he is (a black guy could have a smaller dick and be chubby and I'd still be more excited seeing the black guy "defile" a hot white woman. Though obviously the image of a big, muscular black bull fucking the pretty woman is more exciting.)
What I do know for certain though is that I get off on seeing black men with pretty white or "purer race" women because it's taboo and I subconsciously see this black man as this beast defiling "our women" (women that I find to be suitable mates, not just white women). It's racist I know but can't help it. I'm a product of American culture. And like I said, I bet so many white guys jerk off to black men fucking white women for the same reason but are too scared to admit it to themselves.