I have an intense confession. I was raped at 12 by 2 black men at a collage party. I'm quite a tall girl 5'8, so they probably mistakenly thought I was older. That experience being so horrible quite ruined my life, and turned me and my family heavily racist. My dad especially so, he blames the F***ing N***ers for everything.
I shortly discovered masturbation and by 15 I knew what an orgasm was, and I knew that I had felt it before during the rape, it didn't feel good then, but it had the same sort of feeling. With masturbation I discovered porn and basically became an addict, and by late 15 I started sleeping around with boys.
When I discovered interracial porn, my mind was overwhelmed, everytime I watched it, it triggered those same feelings of first being raped, and there was so much conflict in me as I as so against them. When I finally slept with a black guy at 16 I wa hyperaroused and I orgasmed a few minutes into him licking my body. I subsequently became a sex addict and slept with so many men till now.
I've had 6 bfs but could never manage to remain loyal and got dumped each time, so I don't date now. My dad has seen some pics of me with pakistani men and blacks which were shared against my will and now I'm dead to him
I often feel depressed and lonely when I think of family and relationships and career, but when I whave sex all these feelings go away, when I have sex with a black guy, the pent up raciscm in me, the hate in me and all the skin contrast and cultureal and historical differences all explode in arousal in me, and I love using it to deplete black men completely
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