Cont.
On the drive home I was quiet, sitting in the back corner of the van by myself thinking about what had just happened while the others talked. Thoughts of guilt plagued my mind…..{how could you let yourself do this, your husband of 20 years has been nothing but good to you.}
I felt dirty, I had betrayed my husbands trust, I danced with another man to our song, I let another man invade my space and let his lips passionately touch mine. I said to myself….. {Im going to make it up to Bob tonight.}
When we arrived home, we staggered inside with Bobs arm around me, I dragged him off to bed and kissed him as I lay him down and said,
“Wait right here, Ive got something for you”
I walked into our walk-in closet and changed into my new sexy night-gown, when I walked back into the room I find Bob fast asleep. {Sigh}
Disappointed and frustrated I turn the light off, hop into bed and lay next to him quietly sobbing.
{Thoughts of guilt, anger, desire and frustration cloud my mind..}
There was a war brewing inside me, a war which I wasn’t sure what side I was on. One that I wanted to win to honor the vows I pledged to my husband on our wedding day but knew it was a war that was slipping from my grasp with every second. I tried so hard to fall asleep but was unsuccessful in my bid, the silence was deafening as all I could hear was the thumping of my own heartbeat. An hour must’ve passed when I heard the car pull into the driveway and hearing this sent a chill straight to my groin. I heard the back door open but an absence of noise, I knew Mark must be carrying Jack inside again, he is his fathers son when it comes to alcohol. I hear a thud as Mark drops Jack on his bed, I lay there, staring at the ceiling, exhaling through my mouth trying to calm myself down. Theres agonizing silence again, just the sound of me breathing…. twitching at the slightest movement, the slightest sound….silence dreaded silence, giving my mind an excuse to wonder again. A little while later I hear some movement in the other room, then a light turns on and I hear the bathroom door close, memories from the other night flood my mind. My breathing gets heavier, I can see my stomach rise with every intake and dip with every exhale. I feel my face blush as I turn my head towards Bob in a last ditch effort to fight my craving………
My feet drop to the ground, still looking at my husband I whisper {I love you}. Im almost in tears as I head towards the door. Its too late, my desires get the better of me, I close the door behind me then peep in the boys room to find Jack fast asleep, I close their door as well then turn my attention to the bathroom. I hold my ear to the door, close my eyes and picture what lies beyond. This is it, the final frontier, the last battle within and only a door stands between love and lust. My heart is pounding, my cheeks a hot blush red, my breathing is heavy, my legs are weak making my lower loins shiver with anticipation. I take one deep breath turn the knob and slowly push the door open…….……
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