Whilst I am not here to get "knocked up" I do share a certain desire to have a child by my regular boyfriend, but the social complications and impact on my husbands family would be very difficult to handle. There is an age difference of 20 years between us and Bill has two children by his former marriage and grandchildren, whilst I am an only child and have just an elderly mother.
Bill and I have a very close relationship and he is a wonderful warm hearted husband, however circumstances a few years ago, mainly Bills health and age gradually reduced the more intimate side of our relationship. Without going into too much detail, Bill suggested that he would not be against my seeking intimacy outside of our marriage, something which I initially found difficult to come to terms with.
To cut a long story short, after talking to an old friend from schooldays who once confided she and her husband were into swinging, I began to meet other men for discreet recreational pleasure. Eventually I progressed into interracial as I had always since college days had a deep down attraction for men of color and even felt a little ashamed of my private fantasy of being embraced and fondled passionately by a black lover . It was Bill who became worried after about a year when I had been seeing several men, he suggested in the interests of safety and precaution that it would be better if I had a regular boyfriend, one person who could meet with me discreetly and periodically and if necessary in our home. That was almost five years ago and I have quite naturally become very fond of my boyfriend, who gets along very well with Bill, in fact the relationship between the three of us has been so friendly.
To get back to the question of becoming pregnant, I have never had children and have reached that age where it will soon become unwise to consider, whilst Bill is no longer able to father a child. I have discussed with Bill that I would so much like to have a child by my lover who is very enthusastic to make me pregnant, but he is dead against it mainly because having a mixed race child would be difficult to explain to our social friends and Bills family. I have even told Bill that I could spend the latter part of the pregnancy at our vacation home in Florida and we could explain the child as adopted, which is quite common for white couples. The truth is that I want to have a child with my boyfriend as there is now a very close bond of affection between us, even as I still love my husband very much. Such a difficult situation and something I wish I could resolve.
|