It was not planned
I thnk that in my younger years, I was overly repulsed by black men hitting on me. (I am petite, but have always had a larger butt, and that seems to attract black men!)
I now see that my strong feelings were me trying to hide my inner attraction, and not allowing the animalistic lust that was deep inside. I would talk with men, but would never allow them any chance.
I was locked into the proper thing to do in life, and was never so bold as I am now.
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