[Hylia1272]

Ok, I'll confess. I think most people by now know what I'm about to say because I've been commenting a lot recently.

Well, I'm extremely conflicted. I feel like I'm living two lives because on one side I'm just an honest daughter to my parents, always got great grades, and parade around in our dream of me having a beautiful white husband and giving my parents wonderful little grandchildren. They're super proud and I was raised to be super proud as well.

On the other side (lately) I've been fantasizing about black men, more so their enormous penises or the quantity that they cum. The only way I seem to get off lately is when I fantasize about being taken, dominated, and even impregnated by a black man, that sort of thing. So I would climax and then immediately (sometimes right DURING climax) feel so incredibly guilty. I think about my parents and how I feel sort of like I let them down. I tell myself that never again will I think about black men or such dirty and lewdly being impregnated, but then the feelings come right back. It's such a terrible cycle.

When I'm back with my parents, I smile and don't show that anything changed really. But the more I think about the entire scenario, the more I can't wait for some me-time. I never feel guilty until afterward. I've thought of many reasons why this is happening to me, and part of it might have to do with the fact that I was raised completely differently and strictly. One short story I read, a girl was slowly converted by being shown interracial porn non stop. By the end she gives in and goes crazy, and when she crumbled, I crumbled. I literally yelled out, "breed me with that black dick!" as I climaxed and it made the climax so incredibly, insanely powerful. Then of course I felt guilty and hopeless all over again.

Deep down I hate this. I want to turn it off completely. I came here and to other communities to find support and sort of help to get over it and have it pass. Instead people say things like how I have jungle fever and instead of consoling me, it drives me even more crazy. I don't even know what to do anymore. The thought of impregnation and being overflowingly filled by a black guys sperm is just something my parents could never, ever know about.