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[RachelBBC]

I need to tell this to someone who'll understand. I don't want to meet anyone -- well, I do, but I won't. I'm just here to share this and then disappear.

I spent the first several years of my life in a predominantly black city. My parents, my whole family, was racist though. When I was a kid I innocently mentioned a crush I had on a little black boy and got spanked and forbidden to even talk to him -- I was no older than seven.

At 11 we moved to a white suburb, and I really think it was that they worried about their pale little red-headed daughter being around black men. I think what they really did was start an obsession. Who doesn't want what they can't have, right?

There were two black kids in my high school -- 1 boy and 1 girl. I heard both of them laugh at the assumption they would date one another. The girls flocked to him and I was too busy noticing him to notice if the same was true for her. I was too shy to act on my attraction to him and knew my dad would kill me. It was the first time I noticed that whenever I was around a black man my pussy would dampen and my clit would throb. Like any bitch in heat, my body would ready.

I was fairly wild in my twenties, but didn't sleep with black men -- this was how I was raised, after all. I'd fuck white guys, close my eyes and think about what I really wanted, I'd flirt shamelessly, wanting a real dick, but I wouldn't cross the line.

Not even when I went to work in the city we'd moved from and I was the minority. I was surrounded by what I wanted, constantly wet from the need for BBC, but unable to make the move. I was warned away by the women anyhow. And, I was in a relationship.

Now I'm married and about to turn forty. I have no kids because my husband doesn't want them, and I don't want him much anymore. My fantasies have always been violent, even when I thought about white guys -- in fact, I needed the violent thoughts to get me off with tiny dicks. Now, most are about a group of black men breaking in and forcing me. Bareback. Sometimes I think of my husband watching. When really angry I think of him having to pleasure the men too. Oh, and there's humiliation -- they humiliate me and laugh when I can't stop cumming.

My biological clock means the fantasies are also about being bred. Thinking about what it would have been like to have started at an early age and just churned out babies for men I truly think are superior, and having a purpose.

I think the men I've known all my life have feared the truth that it's no myth that little white girls want to be with big black men. Now it's more acceptable, of course. White men have lived in fear of this knowledge though and feel it slipping away.

I know my husband will never allow this, but I wanted to share fully what's in my heart, at least once.