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[DBM1945]

I really hate to admit this to myself... I'm a straight white male with slighly sub tendencies with dom white women. Been with black girls; not my thing.

The first time I saw IR porn I went into shock; the sheer trangressive nature of it got to me. In a world of gender equality this is seriously stone age stuff... and very hot. And the dick size wiped me out- I'm big (7") but some of these guys... I felt like a house cat watching a panther hunting. The more I looked and jerked off to it, the more specific the images became.

In the end I realized that the sub part of me had simply merged with the white girl. I'm blonde, blue eyed, fairly slender and was "cute" when I was younger. I wanted to be the girl. And, harder to admit, this was not a gay thing. I wanted to become the girl; to be handled and fucked like the girl; to be down on my knees facing that huge black cock and knowing I really had nothing to say about what came next.

And I'm still trying to deal with this IR submissive regendering I undergo every time I look at this stuff. It had driven me to becoming a closet TV- and the image I project is always the same; straight blonde hair, bangs, tight shorts, collar. The next step is to find a black guy in Texas and I'm terrified that I might like the reality as much as the imagining.