There are also instances where it's a surprise for the gf/wife... so the comment about not being able to speak to the Mrs. is automatic fake & the such is not always the case.

No Surprises!
 

True about it being a possible surprise, but I know from years of experience that totally surprising the wife with the gift of BBC is:

Number 1 - not the usual approach;

Number 2 - not advisable if she's never done it before, and

Number 3 - usually NOT legit or successful because it's usually some guy who's just dreaming and wasting somebody else's time . . . because he can't convince his wife/gf to just come right out and do it (maybe wouldn't even dare bring it up) . . . or is just another homosexual wanting to lead somebody along down some path that leads to nowhere . . . except for everybody beatin' off :(

I'm not saying there aren't couples where setting up a surprise for the wife/gf doesn't happen. What I'm saying is that playing the odds, you're much more likely than not to be dealing with a fake. After all, that's mostly what's out there anyway in the first place . . . fakes and flakes . . . and nothing's changed!

The types of situations where I have seen the "surprise" work best is when all the parties involved actually already know each other and/or are known to each other as swingers. Maybe they've been together before or have attended parties together, etc. Or, maybe you have a group of people who have established good reputations for themselves in the lifestyle and who are known for putting on surprise gang bangs or something. And then, say the husband decides to surprise the wife on her birthday with some known BBC that will be down with the scene.

This is in opposition to trying to set up a surprise involving total strangers with no "industry rep" at all. Not that it never happens, but it usually doesn't work out. And FAKES and FLAKES being the main actors in the background is an overwhelming reason why. People who already know and trust each other or who have established their reputations have gotten around that barrier. So, surprising the wife/gf under those circumstances can work out much, much better. But when you're still TOTAL strangers to each other . . . you know absolutely nothing about one another . . . that barrier is some kind of HIGH and normally doesn't get crossed. Reason number one being that fakes and flakes are at the heart of it all.

I personally would not attempt to meet with any couple where the husband or boyfriend claims he wants to "surprise" his wife or girlfriend. For one thing, that's just not the way I want to start things off. I want some kind of contact with a woman before I want/decide to fuck her. I need something. I'm a man so I don't need much LOL! But something. And second, I've just had too many experiences where I know the other guy is full of shit, and I'm not about to let him waste my time. These are the same motherfuckers who want you to "tell me what you would do to my wife" or "seduce my wife" . . . these kinds of requests and "I want to surprise my wife" can often be found together in so many stinky clods of BULLSHIT :mad:

Now, due to my "negative outlook" on this could I potentially be missing out on somebody who is in fact legit and on the up-and-up? Yes, I could be. Absolutely. But in this game where there are SO MANY fakes and flakes, I'd rather play the odds and play the game in the way that suits me best personally. That involves placing a premium on not letting other people waste my time. And so, for me that includes practicing the "Holiday Inn" approach to swinging . . . NO SURPRISES (for those of you who don't know/remember, "no surprises" was Holiday Inn's main marketing slogan many years ago). And besides, some of the new/remodeled Holiday Inn Hotels have some nice rooms for having interracial sex in ;) I don't know about other kinds of sex, but they're good for interracial fucking :D

Right. So that's where the disconnect is usually, but of course what one (black) guy won't do another one of course will and they're like the trained seal doing whatever for some white girl sex and acceptance. I'm of course not saying all couples/men in couples swinging are like that towards singles but way too many are and I'm def not the one. Even though you're the black guy you bowing down to their/his demands makes you a bitch no matter how much of a fake dom thug tough guy act you put up. Cooperation gotta be there or it's adios early.

Props to a White Girl
 

And that my friend is what we call some thirsty ass bruthas. Like black men in a Barbie Cummings porno flick . . . nuthin' but "props" to a white girl!

Note: For you white folk who don't know, "thirsty" = desperate.

Kind of reminds me of that film called 'Ghost Ship' where that white woman ghost led the black dude to his death

Hasn't seem that movie in years
 

Re...
 

@ thickniggadick
not necessarily th case., and this is no disrespect to men with actual injuries or medical problem relating to not being able to please their wives.
First, its not necessarily a complaint; its more of a nuisance, and a turn-off;
second, I didn't come to this decision based off of the correspondence with individuals on this site; this has been a feeling I've had for the 15+ years or so that I've been in and out of the 'swinger' lifestyle;
third, and more importantly; with the exception of a few things, there's no standard way in doing things that are considered normal, so certainly there's no set standard way of doing things that are considered abnormal, such as having someone fuck your wife for whatever reason;
Let's be clear; the site is called iloveinterracial.com not ilovecuckhold.com.
In regards to dealing with the "man of the house". That title is absolute, and if your allowing another man to have sex with your wife then that title is null and void, I dont care how you try to slice it. In keeping with that, there has to be RESPECT then TRUST then UNDERSTANDING. if you want a void to respect your "happy home" or "sanctity of marriage" then you have to respect the void and his/her values as well.
In the past 15 years I've only been to 6 parties/gatherings, and out of those 6 I had 5 encounters, all of which were the women approaching me and interviewing me, so to speak.
I've also dealt with the want-to-be controlling spouses and I've heard all of the excuses as to why they need to be involved (safety, screening, pictures, video recording, etc); If you've been in the lifestyle for a bit then all of these excuses are ULTRA lame as you have to do the leg-work. How many husbands/boyfriends ask for a background check, or better still, a std panel??? Very few, if any! So again, that "man of the house" title, is fruitless.
What it all boils down to is either they're selfish, insecure, and in some cases abusive (extreme control to a certain extent is abusive), or all three; when all they need to do is be truthful within themselves.
I remember this dude that starting talking to me with his wife right next to him; I just starting talking with his wife, and he cut in and stated how I could talk with him, and how everything needed to be approved by him and such. I told him that wasn't interested at all, and that's what I've always done and will continue to do. The issue that I had with this guy and those of his ilk, was that he tried to come off like he was doing me a favor, and that I needed to be kissing his ass and grateful for him giving me a chance to fuck his hideous wife. Now, keep in mind I'm in my 20's at the time and these parties were full of women that were 40-60 year old that weren't really attractive nor did they have decent bodies. I would say there were about 20-30% good looking women at ALL of these type of parties, and this guy's wife was no exception; she DID NOT look good, and the audacity of this guy acting as if he was doing me a favor was real turn-off. Coincidentally, if anyone wants to know what turns a black man on? it's a woman that has enough confidence to approach and let us know that's she's interested.
Why should I sit and be interrogated by some schmuck because of his sordid fantasy; I refuse to subscribe to any of that.
Whether it's his, her, or a mutual fantasy, the women ultimately has to be comfortable with the void. What I do know is that if the husband/boyfriend is comfortable, and the women isnt, then the encounter probably won't happen; if the woman's comfortable, and her husband/boyfriend isnt, then the women will make that encounter happen some kind of way, even if it means going behind her husbands/boyfriends back. Accept it or not, sex is a very integral part of any relationship between consenting adults, so If a void is having frequent or even seldom sex with a wife; it will eventually develop into some kind of relationship; albeit sexual, it's still a relationship.
This has everything to do with basic logic, and how it applies, and yes I know logic is something that's severely lacking in this lifstyle.
I guess it all depends on how a couples relationship is established; whether the wife is viewed as property and (or) she's under her husbands/boyfriends control, and (or) she can't think for herself that's fine, and that's their life not mine.

Just A Couple of Thoughts
 

The first of your points that I quoted strikes me as the kind of thing that comes from the mouths of people who claim there's no right or wrong. It's all relative. Well, that only comes from people who just don't want to be held accountable for their own actions. "I didn't do anything wrong because there is no right or wrong!" Riiiiiiggghhhhht :rolleyes: And as to the second quoted point of yours, I have indeed been in and around the lifestyle "for a bit", so that just strikes me as . . . with all due respect . . . pure grade bullshit! Of course, you're entitled to your opinion. And me to mine.

Oh, and something else just came to mind. If all those wives didn't look good to you and didn't do much for you, then why did you feel the need to start talking around the husband directly to the wife in the first place??? I mean, If she wasn't shit, why talk to her then? Sounds kinda THIRSTY to me. And even more than that, seems to me like it was just you getting into some kind of immature power play with the husband. Since you said you were in your 20's, then that's most probably exactly what it was. I was once in my twenties and immature too, but even then I understood that it generally wouldn't be a good idea to talk to a strange man's wife and totally ignore him while he's sitting right there, even if I could get away with it ;)

Respect yields respect. If you give it, then it will be returned in kind. And if not, then keep stepping until you get to the next one.

As a person that has been in this lifestyle for a while too......You sound Like the ONLY One on this thread that is talking from Experience and NOT "KEYBOARD JOCKEY" sideline opinion... Respect!

well there are two ways this works. either the guy is single and just trying to get some kind of hook up on his own, or he is married but she's not really down.

second scenario is what others have said - the man is the screener and you have to deal with it.

it's frustrating because everyone is different and some men want total control of the entire scenario. and some of the single men want to just get in and get out as easily as possible.

it's important to note that aside from the bi and gay men who are using these forums and ads as a way to satisfy their cravings - every person, couple, etc. is very different. sometimes you have to be very patient within reason before they are comfortable. i've seen it go from email to sex same day and i've seen it go for months before a woman was ready because the connection mentally was very vital.

but if you're in this lifestyle thinking that you're just going to show up and knock boots with some guys wife, gf, partner, fuckbuddy or whatever without passing some level of test you're not going to find much success.

Again, I understand the frustration with the single men who have guys constantly wanting to see their junk and "meet first". It's so blatant and I've been there when I was the single guy in the lifestyle. Gets old fast.

Sir, Good Point but
For the cuckold couple the malel contacting the master is very important. I hope you understand

I agree. The whole point was for both of us to enjoy an extension of OUR sex life. If I wanted to be with another woman, I made the date. If she wanted to be with another man, she set it up. I helped her plan her first time but after that, all I asked is that she be up front and honest and tell me when she was seeing someone, if we weren't together when it happened. You're right, if you're the one doing it you should be setting it up. Of course, there are those who would prefer otherwise. Oh well, to each his, or her, own. Enjoy.

Well this sure has been informative, we had no idea there were these attitudes out there. If you disrespect me, or my wife, we're done. We're not a cuck couple, and we're not "after the prize" we are out to have fun, and we also play with couples, and single ladies, of all races. The arrogance I've seen here from some folks posting on here is really enlightening. We never disrespect our play friends, ever, and we expect, no, we demand the same in return.

Sir, Majority of the time the husband/cuck will be cleaning his wife of your seed. You sir WILL always be dominate over both.

I havent been on the site in months, and after reading your reponse yesterday I felt compelled to, pardon to the others that have more important things to do.
My experiences are just that; they're not my experiences according to your interpretation, lol. they don't have to line up with yours and vice versa. You seem to have a problem with reading and comprehension, so I'll give you a more detailed and simpler explanation for you and those of your ilk.
No where in my post did I state that there's no right and wrong in life. If we're adults (I can only assume you are), and posses adult size brains, and know how to actually use those brains, then obviously there's right and wrong;
I stated that there's no right and wrong in the swinging lifestyle specifcally; as you do as you can control. I'm not under anyone's control, and can't be controlled by another man and his fetish. If you're HAPPY with being a sheep and under someone else's control then that's fine for you; however I don't or can't follow anyone unless they're in business for themselves and monetarily successful. If someone can't teach me how to make money then my mind won't allow me to follow them in life.
Now, when the swinging lifestyle was explained to me when I was a teenager I envisioned beautiful women, automatic and free spirited sex; mutiple partners, etc, so when I became older I met an older white woman that was married to an older white man, whom, as I found out later, were swingers. I met this guy on one occasion, and never had anymore interaction with him afterward. Me and her would have our escapades, and she would tell me about these "gatherings", which I later found out were swinger parties. She and her husband had major issues, I think stemming from him wanting a younger female, and her wanting someone better sexually.
One day she invites me to one of the parties, in which we attended three altogether.
Now, she made these parties seem like they were the utopia of Sex and pleasure.
The problem was that when I attended these parties or "events", there weren't a lot of beautiful women! Percentage wise 50% of the women were barely average, and 45% were below average, while only 5% were above average! And as you can imagine the 5% were swarmed; it was like flies on warm shit! Not to mention, and more importantly, the majority of all of them didn't posess T&A (thighs & ass). There were women there that were body pretty, but the majority weren't.
Those parties in particular were in pa, nj, ny, & ct; they were full of older out of shape men that seemed like they held a gun to their companions head to get them there, or they were going through some marital problems and were trying to spice it up. I did get a few numbers that parlayed into sex, plus I networked with like three people, but in general they were all a fruitless.
You have to keep in mind that I come from an urban neighborhood where there are naturally beautiful (no pork and cake on their face) women on just about every block with fat asses. I thought there would be better looking women, with better bodies, that were more easy going, and more free spirited for mutal satisfaction, but I was completely wrong! It was more of a male controlled-male dominate environment; were they wanted to dictate the situations. Even when I think about it today from a comparison aspect; I had better looking females, with WAY better bodies, and much easier situations.
Plus, it seems like there was a lot of postering and uptight people at these parties as well; not mention the egos.
Now, this maroon that you defended was out of line. I wasnt trying to talk around him, even though I would've eventually done that if his companion was just sitting there and not saying anything, I was merely introducing myself because I waved to her earlier, and she waved back. I wasn't trying to sit in her lap; I wasnt trying to kiss her; I wasn't trying to grope on her; I wasn't trying to hug her; there was no aggressiveness. He had no right to put his hands on me in an attempt to push us apart; it wasnt that serious. In a different venue and at a different time I wouldv'e knocked his head off. So I did what I thought at that time was the appropriate thing to do, which was to send him packing. There were couples there that I conversed with, and there were about 4 or so women that approached me without their husbands/companions.
As for a "power struggle" there was none on my part because this guy wasnt a threat to me physically and definitely not mentally; was I cocky? yes; was I arrogant? perhaps; but there was no immaturity on my behalf.
As for his wife or companion; she didn't look good! What she did have was a better body than the most of women at that particular event. She was something that I was considering; we hadn't, and never got to that point.
Now, I dont engage in juvenile vernacular, so I had to ask my son what exactly does "thirsty" mean.
So in regards to your "thirsty" comment; I don't give chase; as a matter of fact there's a post on here that asks 'who makes the first move'; I clearly state that the woman makes the move mostly, or it's 50/50 because I don't chase.
Now for for the ili record, I genuinely adore, and respect the female anatomy; outside of Africa, and my son being born there's nothing more beautiful. I have sex strictly for recreational purposes; not for procreation; not for revenge; not out of selfishness; not out of insecurity; not out of spite; not for accomplishments, and not to satisfy my ego;
The reason I mentioned that his wife didn't look good wasnt because of thirst, it was to put an emphasis on his erratic behavior, and why it was unnecessary, and also to highlight the disposition he took in acting like he was doing me some kind of favor, which was another thing that I noticed at these events.
[pardon the digression] These guys would parade around their women like they were contestants in the miss america pageant. If they personally thought their women were the hottest thing there that's cool, but to act like they were doing someone a favor by offering their women for sex was quite maniacal. It reminds me of how americas version of beauty is horribly flawed, and how they prop up jennifer anniston like she's some kind of beauty queen when in fact she looks like mr magoo, more importantly, she doesn't have a body! Not to mention julia roberts, sasha grey, katie morgan, belle knox, etc; have you seen these womens bodies, and without makeup? YIKES! which brings to mind a woman that was at one of the events that pretty much stated that after I had sex with her husband I could have her all to myself; I had to pass; this women DID NOT have a body, nor DID she look good. So I'm supposed to disregard my manhood by fucking her husband in exchange for PUSSY??? NO THANKS!
There have been seven or so people that have contacted me for a get-together on this site, but after learning the husbands position, and learning that he would be present in the room for "so called" protection or security, I passed. My position on that is if the husband/boyfriend has to be in the room watching/lurking then that's a movie, and I need to be paid for my likeness. Also I'm not questioning the husbands or studs sexuality but that does seem MIGHTY gay to me. If you look at it beneath the surface; the man is ALLOWING you to have sex with his woman, so in effect, you're a slave, and not in control even if you do get to have sex with her.
Maybe you're into that, I'm not, nor is it a turn on. As I stated before, when a woman thinks for herself, and can tell me that she wants to fuck regardless of her situation with her companion, that's the ultimate turn on to me; a man allowing me to fuck his wife while he watches isnt. If there's no compromising on the male companions part then there's absolutely no compromising on mine.
There's women on my job currently that want to fuck me-been wanting to fuck me for years that I passed on.
So your "thirsty" comment is inaccurate and off-ramp.
I'm an adult, and I can't be controlled by some mans fetish; greater than that, why would I engage in some other mans fetish??? If that's ones means of getting pussy, thats weak; no disrespect.
I'm happy having sex with single-relationship-married women, without having to demean my manhood for another man's fetish.

We're really all on the same page (bulls and husbands). The thing is these single weirdos, or husbands that their wives arent down make up the vast majority of what black men in this lifestyle have to deal with. So sometimes when you get to a real couple, your patience may be a little low. And sometimes even when the wife IS cool with it, the husband is still a little too overzealous...but if there's some actual pussy to be had, I let it slide. I advise all black bulls to learn the dead giveaways of fakes and time wasters. Because it will never happen for them, they always talk a certain way, or ask a certain type of question. If I still can't tell, I tell them very politely that I want to talk to the female. We don't even have to have a conversation, only hear her voice for like five seconds. After that, me and the husband can talk about pretty much anything, as long as its in reason and we have a working meet date. It always kills me when couples/women say how time consuming it is finding bulls. Really? You have no idea what we go thru. Fake wives outnumber fake bulls like 10 to 1. So keep that in mind and cut the bull some slack, as long as he isn't being disrespectful.

The key bulls, is patience, and experience. I can spot a fake by their ad so I don't even get to the bullshit portion. Sometimes for a laugh I go in the women/couples seeking forum here and some of the posts are so obviously from a single guy, yet you can bet 3 or 4 guys will be in there volunteering. Some of the pics are polaroids on a desk, or the faces are clearly photoshopped. Some of this, you guys bring on yourselves.

hubby here
 

guys, I have to say, i can understand your need, as the "bull'or whatever you call yourself, to be cautious. but I am the HUSBAND ! I have all the responsibility, not just the good stuff but all of it. we are a couple, and in more cases than not, a strong loving couple. couples that are not strong don't last long in this. She is MY wife,. Maybe, she will be your toy, but we BOTH have a say in whether or not that happens. I screen the gentlemen because 99% of most men are to stupid and too rude to talk to the wife directly. I'm sure there are some ladies out there who respond to the "hey, bitch, I'm going to fuck you silly then shoot up your ass" comments, but most don't. You WANT me to screen for you... I'll help you with the what she likes, what she thinks, and more importantly, what she is fearful of and her insecurities. If you are SMART, you'll understand I WANT you to fuck her, so I'm HELPING you achieve that. But, you need to understand you are not going to get in front of her unless we can determine if you are a potential match. We LOVE this woman, she means EVERYTHNG to us. We can't risk hurting her by putting in front of some idiot who only cares about blowing his load in some random pussy. Hey, if that what you want, thats great. but thats not what WE want.

you have every right to want to confirm there is a wife. but, we have every right to confirm you are not a liar, dishonest thief. I'm still amazed at how many men "required 100% discretion - are on the "DL" , then can't shut up about all the couples and girlfriends they are fucking when we meet for drinks. HELLO, if you talk about them don't you think we will think you are talking about us? We post a CL ad and it is incredibly frustrating how many responses we get when it is CLEAR the dude didn't even read the ad. Respond to the Ad guys ! If they ask for your age stats and a pic, respond with honest info... lies are a huge red flag for us hubbys. Try having a body pic in your sexy underwear if you don't want to send dic pics. we HATE dic pics... we want to know you are packing that BBC, but we can tell from underwear pics that you are. But very few ladies are going to agree to meet you if they can't see what you look like. now if hubby is asking for dic pics, that is a red flag for thou... I would suggest you say you are happy to provide that after to speak with / confirm with the Mrs. We NEVER have a problem meeting the needs or concerns of a potential man IF, they some us some bass level of politeness and respond to the things we asked for. So, please, understand i'm not some random guy here... I'm the husband, who pays the mortgage, provided health insurance, is here for the bad times and the good. You get the hot sex ... sex I wish I was getting... so stop for a second and appreciate that before you treat me like I' m in your way.

hubby's - the real ones - are screening and can be a great help to you... try taking that approach, and you will be amazed at how your prospects go up.

Sonny

Noticing this thread is a little old.
 

Great answers regarding "the husband" and I can assure you that "the wife" would concur. My role often is more than just setting up my wife for a real time, face to face encounter. I often provide the window into the wife's likes and dislikes, those insights that knowing ahead of time makes it easier and less questionable for a strange suitor. What the wife has experienced as opposed to what she has not experienced or, even chat about what she is ready for. You very seldom see my wife approach another man. If she is approached then she is game. I really doubt that she would ever deny a man what he wants. We all know that there are limits. Everyone has them. Limits are meant to be broken and this is where, what I know about my wife, and sharing that info makes collaboration useful for a strange suitor.

My wife always keeps me informed about her successful sexual encounters. I am not always informed until after the encounter. I do not always set up her extra-marital sexual encounters.

The wife, does not need to deceive to enjoy strange cock.

I have to agree, and I understand the "ways"; it was just a peeve at the parties that the companions (some of them anyway) would want to get everything out of you. Even back then I would say to myself…why you are asking all the questions when you're not the one doing the labor?
At one of the parties 3 couples got into a discussion about how do you choose; then one of the guys went into his process; I then asked when does the lover (what I called them then) get to enjoy himself? Without hesitation he says "it's not about his enjoyment, it's about what I want him to do for me".
And the other guy in the group nodded his head in agreement. It was like they wanted praise, or adoration, or respect for offering their wives out to have sex with other dudes, and women. I don't know how much [jmo] respect I can have for another man whose fanatasy, or fetish is to see his wife have sex with another man. It would be another thing if their women looked good, and had bodies, but that wasn't the case back then just like now. I mean, some of these women I wouldn't be able to look at and eat! You can't trade 16oz of copper for 16oz of platinum.
I've had sex with females without their husbands that are in that particular lifestyle; not a lot but it has happened. If the husband has to be in the room then I have to be paid for my performance. I don't need ANY kind of pussy that bad where I need exploit myself for another man's fetish.

Amen!...you said it all...so all I can do is echo! Thanks
 

You touched all of the points and I thank you for saying them so I will not. We are a happily married couple as well who are just adding a little something extra to our playtime and finding understanding and friendly black males have not been a problem...but sorting out the fakes and trolls are a necessary tedious undertaking that the hubby Has to do to assure a good time is had by everyone.

Lots of different opinions in this thread. Sex and ones motivations may be different. For me, this is how it goes. My husband and I are swingers. We also have a D/s relationship where I am the sub. Usually we swing together, my husband participates, or knows and approves of whatever I'm up to. He is not a cuckold. I like fucking men period. Black, white, Latino, Asian, if a man is attractive to me both mentally and physically I'm available, providing my husband approves, I don't cheat on him. While the bulk of our activities are done together, we both do swing separately at times. So have I gone on dates alone with black men? Yes! There have been times when I've met men on my own and been very attracted to them and called my husband for permission to fuck them. He gives me the same courtesy. This has usually happened when I'm on business trips. At home there are 4 bbc we've known for several years and we've all become friends and they have permission to fuck me whether my husband is around or not, basically we've established a lot of trust with them. They are all men I can have a good time with in or out of bed. I generally find men myself I'm attracted to and if I decide I really want to fuck them, I usually refer them to talk to my husband. He then has conversations with them, and if he feels they seem to good men we both usually meet them for dinner or a drink and feel things out. You know within a couple minutes of meeting someone if there is real chemistry happening or not, it goes both ways. Personally I usually know within 5 minutes of meeting a man whether I'd fuck him or not. I like fucking black men because of the skin contrast and the little bit of the taboo about it. For the black men I've been with it seems to be the same, also with many I've met they like dominating a white woman with their cock, many want to hear me say I'm their whore and slut. I personally have no problem with that and actually enjoy it. I love variety and different aspects of eroticism, I'm sure that is true for a lot of people. For some hey may have a particular black or white fetish, to me it makes no difference. But I can categorically state in most cases, if I'm going to fuck someone, they need my husbands approval. No matter how nice the cock I'm not going to lose my husband over one. The fastest way for a man who's fucking me to get cut off, is to suggest I cheat on my husband.

scamp