Pet Peeves...husband contacting you
 

What REALLY annoys me is when the husband contacts me to set up a meeting; it's actually a turnoff. WHY!?! Isn't that quite backwards since I won't be fucking him? Why don't the wives ever correspond with their likes/dislikes, expectations, appointment setting, etc..

Hmm
 

I am a member of another site and it is the way that it is. In my experience the Mr. does the screening for the wife.

Correct
 

Weeding through all the guys can get very tiresome and boring and turn-off. I like hubby to vet first, make sure they are what I am looking for, and then he refers to me to take further that way I only have a few to deal with then answer 50 emails a day from an ad..

i also dont understand it, and is quite annoying having a bunch husbands asking to see my cock everytime. For intimate and sexual Meeting both should be Screening, not just be hubby. and also if you ladies think thats ok, let me ask you this, does your man also shop and trys on the Dresses and Lingerie for you? just saying, if you the one receving a BBC you should be the one picking not the husband.

The Real Deal
 

People who are experienced in the lifestyle know that this is typically how it works. So, those guys out there who are complaining about it need to stop it. If you want to fuck another man's wife, then that man needs to be your collaborator and confidant in this, not your enemy/adversary. So, if you're feeling ANY animosity towards the role of the husbands at anytime, then this is not the sport for you. And, I advise you to get out of it ASAP.

Here's the reality. "FOR REAL" swinging is mostly a couples thing with singles thrown into the mix. That means that if you are a single man looking to hump the Mrs., then on some level you're going to have to deal with the man of the house. That's just the reality, so get used to it. Or, get out of swinging. Here's a few simple things to look for to make sure you're dealing with somebody who's legit, and not just some closet homosexual who's looking to suck you dick (or more likely just yank off to the thought of it).

Now, after you've had your first contact with the supposed "husband" (and definitely after the second), you need to be able to speak to the Mrs. directly if they're serious. If they're legit, you won't even have to ask. They'll offer that contact. But, if the wife is always out "shopping" or "went to see her sister " and can never get on the phone, then that's a HUGE red flag. That's because most likely THERE IS NO WIFE! Or if there is, she's not interested and/or can't commit to going through with it. They may even be fighting about it (DO NOT get involved . . . drop them IMMEDIATELY!). And what's more likely than that, SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING AT ALL. This alleged "husband" is just wasting your time. So tell him to fuck off :mad:!

Other red flags are when "hubby" asks "what would you do to my wife" or keeps asking to SEE your package. Now, you shouldn't get pissed off if the guy makes a general inquiry about your size. After all, the main fantasy of the couple might be to see her taking a HUGE Dinka warrior dong :D LOL! So, since the husband is making the initial contact, it's legit for him to ask about this . . . ONCE. And on a related note, TELL THE TRUTH THE FIRST TIME! You don't want your time wasted. So, don't waste theirs by LYING about the size of your dingus :rolleyes:!

Now every once in a while, you'll get surprised when it's the female half of the couple that initiates the first "real world" contact. I mean, she'll call you right up or give you her number and have you call her. Cool! I've had that happen several times, and those experiences have shown me that these folks tend to be the most "for real" couples (wife/girlfriend makes the first "live" contact or is in on the first call). Of course, these days I guess you can throw being willing to get on cam into the mix, but still for me the true tell-tale sign I want to see is a willingness to get on the phone. There's something about being willing to give up that phone number that crosses a certain barrier thresh hold for me.

In any event, when the wife of girlfriend makes the first significant contact with you, my vast experience says she tends to be part of a couple that is comfortable with their relationship, they know what they want, and they have swinging experience. This is what you want if you're lucky enough to get it. No wasting time because she's ready to fuck! But remember, it doesn't all end there! When you meet face-to-face, you still have work to do! I mean, do you like these people? Do they seem to like you? Can you communicate? Do you want the same things sexually? And, it's not just about you and the wife! What's the husband's role going to be in it? Watch? Jack off? Join in? Video it? Take pictures? And are you down with that? Whatever it is?

How ever you decide, just remember that if you're swingin' and you want to fuck that white boy's wife, then you better remember that he's an integral part of the deal and will be involved not only with making the arrangements, but even with what goes on in the bedroom. Accept that, and you'll help yourself achieve better outcomes. And, depending on how your relationship develops with the couple, over time you might find yourself dealing more one-on-one with the Mrs. . . . but . . . if she's got a significant other then that white boy is going to ALWAYS be somewhere in the background. You single men wanting to fuck attached white women must accept this reality and learn to leverage it for a more successful, happier swinging lifestyle!

Note: I shouldn't write as if the husband will always be white. Usually he will be if you're fuckin' white women, but one time I did run into this one couple where the black hubby liked to see other bruthas dick down his blonde white wife . . . come to think of it . . . she liked gettin' dicked down by strange black men too LOLOLOL!!!!

Thick, I couldn't agree with you more. Guys, if you don't care to have the husband contact you, go after single women. My wife and I both talk to him first then it's on them. She gets texts and calls but only after I get a few emails first. Gotta remember it's my wife and if I don't agree, she has no intrest. My wife loves me being involved and it's more of a turn on for her if I'm part of the whole thing. She has the freedom to go see him if he can't come over but I have to voice my opinion on him first, it's her idea. I don't need to see cock pictures as long as your as hung as you say you are. Also as the husband, it's nice to get an email from the guy after she leaves his house to tell me how things went. If I don't get any contact from him, she doesn't go back. It's about sex, not a relationship and if I'm not there to watch the fun, you better be prepared to at least shoot me a sentence or two via email to let me know what you thought of her. If that's asking too much ya might wanna concider going after the single ladies. You gotta remember, the husband is part of this as well and if he ain't happy, good luck getting a second chance. I know this may not be every couples way but for us, I am involved in every part. With one guy, he always comes over and actually likes me being there. Plus he's very cool to hang out with anyway. With a different guy, he only came over once but she's gone there many times. She even tells him when he texts her that he wants to get together with her "did u ask my husband?". And if the guy has any respect for the husband, he will send an email asking if my wife could stop over to see him. Now I don't need to have that email but my wife tells him to send it as a sign of respect. Like I said before, if you don't want anything to do with the husband, good luck getting the wife to come over. Ya see there's cheaters and swingers, my wife is a swinger.

Hitting The Nail on the Head!
 

Now that's driving the point home! Cheating is cheating and swinging is swinging! Understand the difference between the two if you want to enjoy the swinging lifestyle. If you can't accept the involvement of a woman's significant other, then stick to banging unattached women. Or, I guess you can go the cheating route too, but that's just too much work for me LOL! Season's greetings and happy humpin' :)

thank you TND and fun1inpa ;)

Very well put! My hubby doesn't actually get involved, but I hide nothing from him. And, if I want his opinion on a guy, I will ask for it, and take what he says into strong consideration.

I will bring my hubby into the conversation with a guy, and hubby will know about the guy I'm meeting, even if it's just a coffee date. No secrets!

And any guy who disrespects my hubby, or me, will not get another chance to do so. I'm far from perfect, but I am real, with real feelings and real fears, hopes and all that stuff.

Treat me as the human being I am, not just a "fuck toy/white slut", and I will treat you with the same respect.

Talking to the husband isn't the problem, ONLY talking to the "husband" usually is. Then they wanna act weird with the communication when I'm really not there for them. Stupid freak middlemen make meetings uncomfortable. That and the fake pimp hubbys, GTFOH. It's almost like these guys either don't have wives/GF's for real or using them to talk to men via the net on some gay/bi shit without telling new meets what it is.

inb4: "you guys are too cocky and pushy. Go find your own women if you don't like it".

Some men are such CONTROL FREAKS!!
 

Interesting thread and everybody got good points..*Grabs Popcorn*

Spot on
 

Thick has got it spot on!

you speak the truth

well said boss lady

To each their own. My wife enjoys letting me also have anything I'd like, if that means hearing from the bbc that just gave her a good fucking then so be it. It's my part of this fun just like her getting a big black dick is her part of this fun. I don't know, maybe it's because my wife loves me and likes seeing me get things I like, I guess love in a relationship kinda does that for people. There are also wife's out there that think of their own pleasure and her pleasure only regardless what the husband likes to hear or do. I don't envy their husbands, I like that my wife thinks of my satisfaction as well as hers. She's gotten her fun, been able to do anything she wants with them, has had privacy with them any time she liked. Because a "report card" is so funny to some people is just telling me people like different things, see I don't judge people by things that they like in the bedroom, there's all kinda of fetishes and fantasies but some people think their way is the only "right" way to swing, like they are experts on the subject. Well good for them, what we have works and works well so that's all that matters to us :D

True.
 

One big thing my wife shared with me is if I'm not turned on, she has no interest in the lifestyle. My relationship with my wife is extremely open, she shares every thought with me just as I share all my thoughts with her. I'm her best friend, she tells me this weekly, and a friend she can share every thought and feeling with. She knows I would never judge her if she had any sort of feeling, thought or desire. This is one reason I love her so much, there's never been a time where she even had the thought of "if she should chose to share it with me". My wife loves sharing everything with me. After all I am the one person she chose to spend the rest of her life with, not the guy giving her a black dick.

Ya see, I thought this website was to ask, read, and enjoy ir lifestyle, not dig on others way of enjoying the lifestyle. No my wife is not on ili and maybe I'll leave as well. You can hang out here dealing with the fakes and few real people. I've seen your posts and you really do think your so much higher than anyone else. I love the way you pull out the fakes but your also so judgemental against the real people here too. All I was stating is how our relationship is yet you gotta chime in with your way, the perfect way. Everyone is different but yet you like to pretend your the expert. Well congratulations, you win, you got rid of another real person. I don't need to be judged by any person, especially one like you. Save me the response of saying how you don't chase people away, I can see that myself. Well enjoy your spot on that pedestal, before you know it you'll be here with just the fakes and gays. Congratulations mustang

This x1000

Good post. For us it's her making the contacts/connections as that's a big part of the fun for her. I'll chat with them at some point - but unless I see a red flag - it's not to approve/veto anyone.

But she will immediately drop anyone that seems to have issues with her being married or my involvement.

Sensitive are we?
 

Bleeding hearts unite.
 

Doubt I'll leave? C ya. And to all who read this, enjoy mustangs company. And I'm sure I'm not the first you've drove out. And you think I took your comments the wrong way? I took them how you ment them, as a dig. Thanks for the violin playing, you ain't no musician, being a bitch suits you so much better.

Are you still here?
 

Wow, this is amazing--single guys complaining about the husbands contacting them about maybe getting to fuck their wives--really? LOL, seriously, you guys are not in a position to make demands or complain, there are tons of single guys in the LS, and most don't get attention since the LS is mostly a couples thing, as Thick pointed out. For us, we play with couples and single guys, and yep I do most of the contacting, and if someone doesn't like that I'd love to know so we can make sure that we never meet with that person. This is all about having fun, but respect is paramount, and that includes respect for the husband, the wife, and respect for the husband and wife as a couple. We always respect our playmates and we demand that same in return.

As far as I'm concern when you want to meet a married woman the husband involvement and participation is important to some extend ,
In most cases the women that I met I normally asked to communicate with the hubby, I mean if you want to fuck a man's wife show some respect to him.
This has turn out to be very rewarding to me in many ways .
I was met a woman from this site and after many emails and phone calls , I then asked about her hubby ,
After I talked to the hubby , he arranged the day,time and venue where we will meet , and about 30 minutes after our meeting I went to the restroom when I came back, the hubby told me that the wife says she like me as a person but wouldn't want to take it further sexually, he was full of regret cos he said that he really wanted me to be with her .
Two weeks , after I had forgotten about them , I received a called from hubby that he has succeeded in convincing the wife to take it further with me .
I fucked her anytime, anywhere for one year !

For what it's worth....
 

...I'd like to share my perspective.

I've been in the lifestyle for almost 14 years. For about 7 of those, my relationship has been open with my wife and I. Here's the deal we have. She's not worried about me that she wants to act as a filter for people I play with. However when it comes to people she plays with, we both participate in choosing the people she wants to play with though she really leads the process and I just provide input. Once he's in, I may watch them go at it. Most of the time she does what she wants. Currently she has a "boyfriend" who we're both comfortable with so they do their own thing.

Now my experience when it comes to couples, 95% of the time, the husband acts as a filter or participates. I fully expect that as it's a couples activity most of the time as they both get turned on by doing something like this. If the husband is present (and even if he's not), it's like porn for him. It's rare that a woman reaches out to me without the husband being present or involved. If hubby wants to spend his time chatting with me about my experiences or what I would do to his wife (or "wife") then I'm out. If I can't talk to her after trading more than three or four e-mails, I'm done.

Hope that helps.

The cuck wanna control the situation so the bull is seriously desperate, most of the wives are dumb and stupid to be complacent in it anyway...they are very much owned. The cuck controls the wife so he can control the bull also. I deal with only single women, no cuck business..me and the woman control the situation not no cuck, no cuck is gonna drive me to some desperation! you start see blackmen having to now share the wife and it just makes them even more trashy than they already are..... there is plenty single women out there. i have even heard some blackmen now saying specifically they want the cuck to watch them....i can just see where its all going, soon the wives will be out the way and it be just the cuck and bull together SMGDH!! :rolleyes:

Cuckoldry
 

True-to-life cuckolds are only a tiny percentage of the "for real" pool out there. It's a "specialty" sub-category if you will. Most of the husbands and boyfriends don't want to suck your dick, eat your jizz outta the wife, or have you slap them around like Wimpy. Are there some out there like that? Sure. But most of them are wannabe, online cucks who would never go through with it anyway. For one thing, they don't have the "participating pussy" to help them carry it out LOL! Just mostly a fucking waste of time to be weeded out.

Offers and demands? When you see yourself as the prize you don't see it that way so it's all subjective, I know some guys will bend and jump thru hoops to get some sex from couples acting as gatekeepers (act this way, dress this way, be this body type, must be well hung, etc. Ppl have their preferences of course but will throw others under the bus while expecting certain things) but that's on those black single males. It'll end up being a stalemate in most convos if the vibe and respect level is off on both sides so I usually decline. It overwhelmingly doesn't work out: they want you to act a certain way, they wanna see your dick, they don't want YOU to be pushy but It's okay for them to be and other issues. From certain ppls perspective usually the single guy = bad guy in those encounters. Add black to it and well....

I do see some others guys get it after reading past replies so I see I am not alone and it isn't a perception issue.

Valid Points
 

You make some valid points. One time years ago I met with this couple, and the husband was like he was directing a f'in movie or something . . . do this, do that, this way, then that . . . fuck that. Occasionally you will get a couple that wants to call all the shots. They figure they can because they got the pussy. Had one tell me I had to agree to being videoed or no pussy . . . yeah, well like Miss Alley said I'm not "thirsty" . . . wasn't thirsty then and ain't thirsty now, so I told the husband what he could do with his demands. Put 'um in the same place where he could put that camcorder :) Single guys in the lifestyle are somebody too.

Hey if the husband is too pushy or requesting tons of pictures from you that's a red flag just like if you came off pushy and perverted to a couple which is a red flag to them. Its rare to find a couple so laid back even in the swinger lifestyle where you will only talk to the female side of the couple. I would say out of the couples I have met only 20-30% of them I am chatting with the female side only. Of course this is with their husbands consent.

This happened to a black guy, a cuck let him shag his wife few times until he fell for her and then the cuck came into the picture and wanted a piece of the blackguy and if he can't get the blackguy he aint letting him sex his wife so he had to concede and let the cuck do the business on him, he is under the cucks control now

this IMO is huge. act disrepectful or don't show any respect for the woman or her husband and it's over, you lose.

I agree as well. My husband is involved because my mating involves satisfaction for all 3 of us. My husband acts as a screener because he knows what I like and he's concerned about my safety. He doesn't need to see cock photos, but does need to know about size because, again, he knows what I like.

After the first meeting or two, I'll be the only one to make contact. Sometimes it's me that wants to breed, sometimes my husband wants to see me and my BBC together. And sometimes my Lover will contact me. Sometimes hubby wi'll be there to watch, sometimes he'll leave us alone. Because, again, it's all about what the THREE of us want!

My wife and I use a couple methods. She meets guys through work or where ever and will play with them completely solo. She usually tells me who they are, but not always. When we are looking on the internet, she'll have me narrow it down to five or six 'candidates' to show her(she HATES computers), and she'll pick out who she likes. I make the first contact, and IF they respond, she immediately takes over the conversation and exchanges numbers. 90% of the time she plays alone. My only 'rule' is if she meets him more than once, than I'm assuming it was good, and I want a few pics(just once). He doesn't have to put his face in it. I wouldn't ask her to take pics the first time because how awkward is that on a first time hook-up?

When we first started playing I would handle most of it. But I think that's because unlike a lot of couples, my wife is the one that suggested opening up our relationship, so I was a little paranoid and cautious at first. 10 years on, and I trust her completely with it. Not to say those that do it differently don't trust each other, but that's how we roll these days.


edit-I guess we have two rules. The first time she goes to his house or a hotel, she will text me his name and the address(and will let the guy know she sent it to me). We both agreed on that after she caught a guy trying to lace her drink a few years ago.