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[PetesGame90]

Hello everyone. I’ve been through a couple sites and geeze are they bad. This looks legit which is why I’m here. Lots of dynamics and angles here. I’m looking for input from men and women, same situation at one point or another. I’m not the sensitive type but would appreciate varying ideas which I maybe agree or disagree with. Above all my goal is balance my desires, respect and honor my wife, and maintain my marriage. I’m going to go into detail as the thought of getting this off my chest is therapeutic as well as informative.

I’m in my 30’s and have been married just short of 14 years. I’ve always had very good fortune
with women as I have a successful career and humbly athletic and attractive. To my knowledge my marriage has been faithful and monogamous on both ends. Prior to my wife I was VERY limited sexually. Unfortunately this was by choice as I was extremely self conscious of the size of my penis and my testicles. This was drilled home further with a failed sexual experience at 18 where I could not get hard and tried to have sex with my limp penis which is all of an inch, maybe inch and a half. I kept a steady gf prior to my wife not because I was so in love but instead she had seen me and was ok with what I had to offer. I quickly found out early on I would have to rely on foreplay, toys, and oral to please my other half. I was quickly reminded of this when we took a break and I tried to wear a condom for the first time with another girl. Unbeknownst got me my snug fit condom had fallen off although I was fully hard. Again therapeutic but I think you get the picture.

While watching an HBO real sex episode they had Lex Steele on for an interview. I was relatively insulated to that point it listened to him talk about his size. Being young I went online and almost immediately interracial porn became my choice, aka was pretty much exclusively what I watched. When I met my wife I waited about 3 months to have sex with her. I told her it was “to not complicate things” but really it was due to nervousness as she was very sexually forward and the friendly word I got from multiple people implied she had been with a lot of guys, specifically 4 local athletes all of which were AA. I almost avoided talking about sexual pasts due to not wanting even more comparison in her head. She was also fine with it and refused to elaborate on her own words. My porn watching preferences stayed the same. The first, and one of the few times we’ve watched porn together I chose an interracial scene with zero thought I’d get to where I’ve gotten today. As she laid in bed and watched as I jumped for a quick shower she said “I really don’t want to watch a black guy”. Embarrassed I just told her to change it and provided the “I don’t know what the guys names are” explanation. When I made my way back she had stopped the movie, was soaking wet, and knew she was into it. Prior to getting engaged I almost hooked up with a high school friend of hers while we were taking a break for a few days. I feel bad for my wife as I found out when she was 15 she got kicked out of her house by her dad and was forced to move with her mom. All because he found out she was dating an AA guy. Obviously she’s got some deep issues. To this day she still will not say she dated any AA men.

Moving forward to now. I’m a firm believer that yes we say stupid things when drunk but we also more times than not say the truth. A few years ago while on a trip together she got really drunk and we stumbled back to our room. Was more than a little surprised when she said she wanted to get raped by a hotel room full of guys as she played with herself. As we went back and forth she clarified her comments by specifying a “roomful of big black dicks”. The next morning I reminded her of what she said and she was both slightly embarrassed but also shrugged it off. I put on a porn in the room, interracial of course. Again she said she didn’t want to watch it but this time was less shy and fingered herself to multiple orgasms while watching and talking about wanting some big dick. The trip was fun but at no point did I think or know I wanted her to fuck an AA. It’s almost like that opened a door though to her being more open. It wasn’t two weeks later that she ordered some toys, including a Sean michaels dildo and a black cock sleeve for me to wear. 100% of the time, unless if it’s just a quickie, she has me put on the sleeve.

I’ll say this, my wife is not mean spirited instead she’s a bit oblivious to what she says. I’ve been beaten down a bit beyond what I’m already self conscious about. The once you go black, or I want the black dildo, giggling as she puts it next to mine, or other comments which at first bothered me a bit bother me no longer. Ladies, as obvious as she is she also sends mixed messages. She says she’d be destroyed if I cheated but at the same time, again after lots of wine, lays in bed with her legs spread asking me if I’ll share her pussy. I told her I have no desire to have sex with anyone else as I don’t. At the same time she just laughs off the stuff she says when confronted. Is she reluctant to push out of fear of me wanting another woman?

I e realized I want to watch my wife get fucked by as many AA as she wants but can’t seem to take the next step to tell her, partially because of the changing message from her. The other part of my reluctance is I don’t want her to see me as weak (guys some input). Remember we’ve been completely faithful as far as I know. Do I just live the fantasy and see if it happens organically or capitalize the next time she brings it up? It’s easy for guys. We stick our dicks where we do and get off no matter what. Ladies have it harder with sexual pleasure and honestly I’ve never even gotten close to giving a woman an orgasm without some type of strong vibrator or oral. Since my wife gave birth last, which was assisted due to my infertility, the pleasure from sex has decreased even more, at least when I’m the lone player. I want her to maintain all things in her life but want her to fill her desires or needs. I also have reluctance as I don’t want to experience or deal with someone else thinking they are better of the boss of me. The cuckold thing is not appealing, at least at this point. And last but not least. I obviously have this porn idea of seeing lex or Mandingo take my wife to a place I can’t. Is porn too pie in the sky? Or will it fall quite short? Thank you and blessings to all of you who read or who read and repsond.