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women in their 40's |
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I'm in my 50's sweetie and I still can't get enough. And I get alot....Becky |
Confession time! |
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Confession time!
I love being watched. Love an audience. Love being roughed up. Nothing says "you've been fucked good and proper" like welts, bruises (within reason) and bite marks. I'm a submissive who will "act up" just to be put in my place.
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Ok, I'll confess. I think most people by now know what I'm about to say because I've been commenting a lot recently.
Well, I'm extremely conflicted. I feel like I'm living two lives because on one side I'm just an honest daughter to my parents, always got great grades, and parade around in our dream of me having a beautiful white husband and giving my parents wonderful little grandchildren. They're super proud and I was raised to be super proud as well. On the other side (lately) I've been fantasizing about black men, more so their enormous penises or the quantity that they cum. The only way I seem to get off lately is when I fantasize about being taken, dominated, and even impregnated by a black man, that sort of thing. So I would climax and then immediately (sometimes right DURING climax) feel so incredibly guilty. I think about my parents and how I feel sort of like I let them down. I tell myself that never again will I think about black men or such dirty and lewdly being impregnated, but then the feelings come right back. It's such a terrible cycle. When I'm back with my parents, I smile and don't show that anything changed really. But the more I think about the entire scenario, the more I can't wait for some me-time. I never feel guilty until afterward. I've thought of many reasons why this is happening to me, and part of it might have to do with the fact that I was raised completely differently and strictly. One short story I read, a girl was slowly converted by being shown interracial porn non stop. By the end she gives in and goes crazy, and when she crumbled, I crumbled. I literally yelled out, "breed me with that black dick!" as I climaxed and it made the climax so incredibly, insanely powerful. Then of course I felt guilty and hopeless all over again. Deep down I hate this. I want to turn it off completely. I came here and to other communities to find support and sort of help to get over it and have it pass. Instead people say things like how I have jungle fever and instead of consoling me, it drives me even more crazy. I don't even know what to do anymore. The thought of impregnation and being overflowingly filled by a black guys sperm is just something my parents could never, ever know about. Last edited by Hylia1272; 05-10-2017 at 01:21 PM.. |
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Thank you for the good advice! The problem I'm going through is a little deeper than that. While the advice is good, I'm kind of looking for the opposite. The thing is that I don't want to want it. I really hate to want it. What I truly want deep down is not only to make my family happy and proud, but the dreams I've always had of the white husband, children, etc.
Like I sort of touched upon earlier, my sexual thoughts are at a stand still and won't seem to evolve or change as they've always have. I could be masturbating and trying to hold on real hard to a certain thought or fantasy, but it's almost like the closer I actually get to climax, the more I want to switch my thoughts to a black man, enormous penises, or the concept of being filled up by them. I do pretty good pushing those thoughts away until the tension of near climax. In the moment and the heat, I'll actually give in and as I said before, I'll totally yell out something so racy and wrong and it immediately will send me right over. Like my thoughts Switch right over to a video I've recently seen on Tumblr, where a woman keeps repeating, "Black studs breeding all the white women" as they show scenes of white girls being completely filled... Masturbating is, eh, ok I guess, until that vision forces its way into my head and I yell something absolutely ridiculous out like, "Breed me, breed me black!" They are some of the most power orgasm I think I've ever experienced, but afterwards, in tremendous guilt and regret, I wonder why I couldn't even fight the idea off. I absolutely hate that it does this to me and I don't know why. I've thought maybe it's something biological, like maybe the large penises or the amount of ejaculation is a biological thing I want, but it doesn't necessity help the guild. I just don't want to want it, at all. But it's like the more I push it away, the more that explosion is the very moment I give in. It's been a good four months or so, and it's the only thing that sends me right over the edge. I hate it, I'm trying to move on or get rid of it, but it drives me insane with how much my body wants it, and betrays me at every chance. If I act on it, I feel like something truly bad will happen (like pregnancy). Last edited by Hylia1272; 05-12-2017 at 09:25 AM.. |
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It's nothing to be ashamed of or to beat yourself up over. If you're truly worried about it, seek the advice of a professional. I don't really think by being on this site, you will find someone to talk you out of your thoughts, it might only encourage them. But, that's just my silly opinion. |
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Interracial pregnancy is not bad. |
These fantasies are natural and real |
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These fantasies are natural and real
These feelings keep coming back to you despite your actions attempting to run from them. These feelings are a deep part of you; when they come knocking at the door, you need to open the door and let them in. Only in this way can you become the real you and be a peace.
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